What is Grooming?

Being aware of the signs of grooming helps us understand the steps we can take to better protect children from child sexual abuse.

Grooming describes the preparatory stage of child sexual abuse, undertaken to gain the trust and compliance of the child or young person and to establish secrecy and silence to avoid disclosure. Grooming may occur in person or online.

Often, the child’s parents, carers and other significant adults (including organisations) are also groomed by the person intending to sexually harm the child. This can make it challenging for parents and caretakers to establish if a child is being groomed, as grooming behaviours often look similar to genuine caring behaviours.

Grooming may cause a child to:

• think as though they have an important and special relationship with the person who is harming them;
• experience confusion over the nature of their relationship;
• internalise the abuse as their fault, feeling responsibility for any harm experienced and fearing they will be blamed, punished, or not believed;
• fear that they will be separated from their family or home if they speak out; and/or
• believe that disclosure will cause harm to someone or something they love and care for, such as family members or pets.

Grooming includes a range of behaviours and/or verbal or written communications, with the child or young person, or with significant adults, with the intention of facilitating sexual contact with the child or young person and preventing disclosure. Online grooming can take place through phones and on interactive platforms including chat and instant messaging apps, social media, and gaming. Perpetrators use interactive platforms as a gateway to initiate contact with a child.

Grooming may take a number of forms:

• Building the child’s trust: Using presents, special attention, treats, spending time together and playing games with non-sexual physical contact.
• Favouritism: The offender treats the child as an adult; treating them differently and making them feel like a unique friend, making the child feel more special than others.
• Gaining the trust of the child’s parents or carer/s: Careful to be ‘seen’ as a close, caring and reliable relative or friend of the family.
• Isolation (from family, friends): To ensure secrecy and lessen chances of disclosure or belief.
• Intimidation and secrecy: The offender may use coercion e.g., threatening looks and body language, glares, stalking and rules of secrecy.
• ‘Testing the waters’ or boundary violation: ‘Innocent’ touching, gradually developing into ‘accidental’ sexual contact.
• Shaping the child’s perceptions: The child is often confused as to what is acceptable and can take on self-blame for the situation, as his/her viewpoint can become totally distorted.

It can be challenging to establish if a child is being groomed until after sexual abuse has occurred, as a perpetrator grooming a child often displays similarities of genuine caring behaviour. If you have any concerns and wish to talk with one of our trained staff, contact the Bravehearts Information and Support Line on 1800 272 831.

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